yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We were destined to go to rehab together
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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