i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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