My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
