i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
