Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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