Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
