You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
