i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm always down for nudity.
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