I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
