The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
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Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
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Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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