My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
