things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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