Welp...herpes.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
