first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Text me some of your sweat
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