Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
