I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
