I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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