Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize