Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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