And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
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I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
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On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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