I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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