I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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