do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
