everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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