And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
