textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
