I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
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The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
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Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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