How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
