i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
