Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
