I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
