If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
