I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
