my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
