I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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