Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
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What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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