My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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