he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
