I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
