idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
