I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
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I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
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I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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