I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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