I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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