Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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