Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
