my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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