I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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