Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
