he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
