my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
