I want to make a zoo with you.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
