You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
