he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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