I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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