Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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