She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
