I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
