you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
