the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
