I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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