I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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