if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
